Pursuing: presence (in a digital world)
Hello dear friends!!
It’s been over a year since I have created a blog entry for Life with Liberty! We have been busy, actively living in our season of life that includes learning, growing together and intentionally raising our firecracker of a daughter. While her name reminds me every day of the word “freedom”, it’s her eyes that ask me to be truly present. She is nearing closer to turning 5 years old, and these days I often realize how quickly time really has passed by. Small, fleeting moments - like realizing how tall she is when standing next to me, her constant inquisition, and especially her recent sarcasm and “stories” she creates to tell me. She will look up at me, eyes filled with clarity, creation, imagination and energy. It can also be my husband, some fine grey hair I notice during his monthly trim or that extra smile line around his eyes (or mine, for that matter) from last time we belly laughed. It might be a family member asking for more help around the property, a fashion trend returning to popularity, or finding a tiny toddler shirt in the back of the drawer. Sometimes these moments just hit me, they pop up like effervescent bubbles, and lead me to deep reflection of how I’ve spent my time and how I will continue to use it in the present and future.
TIME, after all, is our greatest resource, our incorruptible currency, and the thing we can wholeheartedly give to our children and those we love - absolutely free. Today I hope to bring light to the truth, once again. This time relating to the feigned “presence” of the digital society we live in today, how it can quickly overcome reality, and tangible ways I have taken a step out. This has actively played out in my life this past year and I hope to inspire you to desire a deeper pursuit of reality, as well. I hope to confess and compel you all the same.
It’s very easy to get caught up in social media land - I’ve done it. I completely understand the desire for connection, friendship and comradery and social media helps us do just that with curated profiles of individuals who have shared interests. It’s also a creative outlet or even an income stream, with aesthetic feeds, photography practice and content creation - and I love it for that reason as well! Between finding mom friends with kids the same age, political or social refuge in accounts that share passions, or even just the innocent sharing of your children/family life - it can be a very rewarding place, and is for many people who use it. BUT (you knew that was coming, right?) BUT BUT BUT - social media is also designed to be utterly and completely addicting, and it can quickly replace your true identity.
So I’m just going to say it. Social media can quickly create an alternate, virtual reality. This is a reality displacement.
What started as a place to share what you’re up to with your IRL friends, has now become another world + another being we give our time to. Let’s say a person shares about their family and their children, using beautiful filters and presets that make them happy. Curated feeds, posed “candid” shots, brand labels specifically shown or hidden depending on the collaboration contract. We open our social media apps excited to share about what we’re doing today, or what we ate today, or what we’re wearing. Innocent at first, sure, but it can quickly become a compulsion, to share all the things all the time. Is this truly being present, or is just sharing so often that you feel like it’s the present? The question remains - who are we sharing for? Who sees this, and who receives something from this content? Are you shifting your time away from the actual moment, to “share” about the moment? This also opens up internal reflection.. an unknown follower may say something like “that’s so YOU!” or “of course you’d say that, it’s YOU”, but - who are they referring to? Your brand, your identity, your persona? Are “you”… even the real “you”… on social media?
The constant desire to rebrand when we’re bored of our physical expression, the actual dopamine hit we receive from a rise in “follower count”, the decision that actual people may no longer fit the aesthetic of the life we want (I’ve seen this actually happen to a friend of mine), and even just the compulsion to open the app and scroll through for hours of each day. Even as far a buying clothing to match our “brand colors” so that any photos are always post-ready. This is an argument of tangible vs intangible presence. This is living for others, not living for the actual, true moments in life. Your actual life and vibrant colors and those you love are “in the shot”, so you sweep it all aside and take the photo of what matters to you most in that moment. I know, that’s harsh, right? But from me to you, it’s time to look in the mirror. This is a call to action - and we need to come back to a life of reality and real presence. Maybe you’re not quite this far gone yet with your social media relationship, and that’s great. Maybe you use your account differently altogether. I’ll confess, I had been getting too close for comfort.
There is a sinister side of this as well, of course - and although that’s not my focus with this blog, we can’t be a stranger to it and we need to be awake. This “reality displacement” is very much on purpose and by design for the silent invasion of our nation (in my opinion). Its happening literally and blatantly with AI filters, photoshop, VR games, facial recognition and facial swapping. But it’s also happened stealthily and silently, in the form of our perceived “identities” in the digital world. This may sound too doomsdayer for the average bear - but with the new advances in CGI and AI, reality can be manipulated and therefore our conscious understanding is also an asset ripe for programming. Needless to say, I wanted out.
So, my friend. If this is you, it’s time to log out and set it down for a bit. Give yourself permission to step back and reassess without shame. Your “social media presence” won’t disappear overnight or if you scale back on the coined “consistency” of daily posting - that’s just what we’re told. Let’s take time back into our own hands. Maybe social media isn’t even your vice. I hope you can take something from this to apply it to your current obsession.
Presence > Productivity, in the end. The only people who will remember how much time you put into your virtual reality, are those around you in the real world.
Intentionally choosing presence, and reality, is an act of leaving the matrix. This past year I had a few, poignant moments that opened my eyes to just how addicted I had become to my alternate reality. At one point I found myself hoping for an internet outage, or an off-grid camping trip, so that it would force me to disconnect. I found myself playing a video game and using avatars to create the life I already had. One day, in a bubble moment with Liberty, I made a personal decision to set it down for a long period of time. And if did ever come back to my online presence, I’d take more time to consider what I do share, why, and for who. I will only share what I’m authentically doing, even if it doesn’t match the appearance or vibe. It’s not for others anyway - let’s make your social media presence about YOU again. I will try to remember that time spent on my phone is time lost from the present moment. It’s a give and take system, after all.
As a mother, I also feel this urge to rebel against to the idea that moms (or women in general) have to be “boss babes”, hustling through life and creating empires. It’s okay to slow down, live simply and purposefully and return to our ancestral roles. It’s okay to unplug, and it’s possible to make friends without social media (gasp!) and reach out to another mom at the park. You’re an incredible mother, even if you don’t get collaborations or brand deals from all the trendy companies. And your children may thank you one day for not sharing about every moment of their lives growing up with the general public.
Here are a few ways that I have pursued true presence this past year, and activities that have brought me back to reality when I’m feeling too far out of touch:
Baking, with Liberty, using a recipe card and not my phone
Finger painting, to actually feel the paint in between my fingers
Going barefoot, for grounding to the bare earth
Laying outside and watching the clouds roll by (or is it us that’s moving? that is the question)
Committing to only use my phone after Liberty is asleep, or setting a time limit for certain apps
Go searching for spiderwebs with Liberty around the property and seeing how the bugs are wrapped up for later
Turning off the TV, and giving my husband a scalp massage instead
Braiding onions with my mom after a garden harvest
Taking photos to have as memories, but not posting them
Sending physical holiday cards, and displaying the ones we receive
Practicing hand lettering and calligraphy
Crafts with Liberty, beads and buttons
Baking a sourdough loaf and trying new designs with the lame
Facial reflexology and acupressure
Breathwork, with a hand over my heart
Beneath the surface of these activities is an undercurrent. A deep, deep sense I can feel tugging at my heart. The desire to be fully present, for my daughter and for those around me. I’m not perfect by any means, but I hope this serves us both as a push to pursue balance. The pursuit of presence takes a moment and turns it into a pause, and the pause becomes a moment of it’s own. By seeking out and incorporating only activities that lead to conscious moments of presence, we can create a new habit. Habitual presence leads to memories made, stories to tell, laughs to share later. This will create traditions. I hope to model presence to Liberty as she grows up in a digital society. I hope to teach her (and you) the beauty in being fully here, right now. Like a recipe card, a holiday greeting, a postage stamp, a fresh baked biscuit. Let’s pursue tangible presence, let’s create something we can actually touch. We will eventually outgrow this social media/digital age and look back on it, and I hope when we do, we feel peace living in the now instead. It’s never too late to start living your life in the moment.
With grace,
Chloe